just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
