buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
