I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Boobs speak an international language.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Randomize
