Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
