It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
