new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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