im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
