Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How naked do you want me to be?
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