Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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