"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I bet he comes in French.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
