That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
