Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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