there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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