do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
