In the future we'll all be gay
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
