Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You're like the curious george of whores
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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