the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
