I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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