the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
