remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
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He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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