I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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