Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
