I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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