I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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