I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
