Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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