Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
