My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
