we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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