i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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