He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
