kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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