Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
