I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
