In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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