so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
