so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
