are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
