Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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