Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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