Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize