If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.