capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
