Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.