Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.