haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.