before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The air was thick with penises
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
