i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
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I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
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How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives