moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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