Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
