I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
