you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
