I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
