i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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