That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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