You surviving the open bar?
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There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
