Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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