It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.