We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
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You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
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he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.