Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?