im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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