Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
