so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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