she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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