It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
