i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
