Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
