So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
