No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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