He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
