ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
