Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
