apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
