this beer tastes like vomit already
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
