we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
