hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
