Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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