She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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