i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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