Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
