the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
