So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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