my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
