And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
