i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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