i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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