once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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