He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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